just in time for valentine's day...
It is madness
says reason
It is what it is
says love
It is unhappiness
says caution
It is nothing but pain
says fear
It has no future
says insight
It is what it is
says love
It is ridiculous
says pride
It is foolish
says caution
It is impossible
says experience
It is what it is
says love
by Erich Fried
(translated from the German by Stuart Hood)
Monday, February 15, 2010
Thursday, February 4, 2010
movie kisses
Really just too tired to be writing a blog right now, but on the drive home tonight, I was listening to Her Space Holiday and thinking about all of the people who were once in my life that are no longer in my life. Maybe I was just feeling nostalgic, with the lack of sleep and the rain and the meaningful indie techno music. But whatever it was, the sad truth that people come and go seemed more relevant to me then ever before.
I can count on one hand the number of people (outside of my immediate family) who have made a direct impact on my life. There was my childhood best friend (whom I no longer speak to, for reasons too complex to begin to describe). Also, I had a friend who I met through a series of coincidences and ended up to be my musical, book reading soul mate. We spent a couple of years at concerts and thrift stores and then parted ways due to distance and miscommunication. Of course, I also consider the boy that I loved in high school to have somewhat shaped who I have become today, because "that" person is quintessential in every girl's life, I think. He and I no longer speak because, quiet honestly, I have nothing to say to him anymore. We have nothing in common, and I don't really think that we ever had that much in common, but when you're 16, I suppose that trivial things become intoxicating and interesting. Too bad those things have to play such a big role in who we (or I) turn(ed) out to be. And lastly, there was a boy who I spent a sleepy summer with. There were record high temperatures that summer, and I thought he was the most profound, wonderful artist in the world. It turns out that he's just empty and sad. But, to be fair, I pretended to have expert taste in books and music to make him fall madly in love with me. So, I guess there was never really a shot. But, nevertheless, his outlook on the world impacted me dramatically.
And I don't talk to any of them anymore. I don't even have the desire to talk to them. But they all cross my mind occasionally, and I wonder how they are, and I wonder if I ran into them today, would we be able to sit down and have an amicable cup of coffee together? Would we still be able to debate which Death Cab album is the best? Would we even care? Probably not. There are so many other friends and crushes that I've had throughout my short life. People that I loved and cherished, people I shared picnics and concert tickets and road trips and late nights with. And I miss them. And it makes me so sad to recognize that as much as I miss those people, I don't think that road trips and picnics with them would be the same anymore.
In hindsight, I can see the relationships that I've had (and lost) as forming me, making me think about things differently. I hate to think that any of those people opted out of friendships with me, because I was the one who changed so drastically. It's just easier to think that all of them wanted me to stay with them and that I was too "progressive" to keep up the friendships and loves of my youth. But that's not true. Many times friends have been sick of me and I have been sick of them, and we both just threw up our hands and parted ways, going to spend time with current boyfriends and new co-workers. Life is so circular. I realize it more and more as I get older.
But maybe none of this is true. Maybe I just desperately need to get some sleep. I am so lucky to have had as much love in my life as I've had.
I can count on one hand the number of people (outside of my immediate family) who have made a direct impact on my life. There was my childhood best friend (whom I no longer speak to, for reasons too complex to begin to describe). Also, I had a friend who I met through a series of coincidences and ended up to be my musical, book reading soul mate. We spent a couple of years at concerts and thrift stores and then parted ways due to distance and miscommunication. Of course, I also consider the boy that I loved in high school to have somewhat shaped who I have become today, because "that" person is quintessential in every girl's life, I think. He and I no longer speak because, quiet honestly, I have nothing to say to him anymore. We have nothing in common, and I don't really think that we ever had that much in common, but when you're 16, I suppose that trivial things become intoxicating and interesting. Too bad those things have to play such a big role in who we (or I) turn(ed) out to be. And lastly, there was a boy who I spent a sleepy summer with. There were record high temperatures that summer, and I thought he was the most profound, wonderful artist in the world. It turns out that he's just empty and sad. But, to be fair, I pretended to have expert taste in books and music to make him fall madly in love with me. So, I guess there was never really a shot. But, nevertheless, his outlook on the world impacted me dramatically.
And I don't talk to any of them anymore. I don't even have the desire to talk to them. But they all cross my mind occasionally, and I wonder how they are, and I wonder if I ran into them today, would we be able to sit down and have an amicable cup of coffee together? Would we still be able to debate which Death Cab album is the best? Would we even care? Probably not. There are so many other friends and crushes that I've had throughout my short life. People that I loved and cherished, people I shared picnics and concert tickets and road trips and late nights with. And I miss them. And it makes me so sad to recognize that as much as I miss those people, I don't think that road trips and picnics with them would be the same anymore.
In hindsight, I can see the relationships that I've had (and lost) as forming me, making me think about things differently. I hate to think that any of those people opted out of friendships with me, because I was the one who changed so drastically. It's just easier to think that all of them wanted me to stay with them and that I was too "progressive" to keep up the friendships and loves of my youth. But that's not true. Many times friends have been sick of me and I have been sick of them, and we both just threw up our hands and parted ways, going to spend time with current boyfriends and new co-workers. Life is so circular. I realize it more and more as I get older.
But maybe none of this is true. Maybe I just desperately need to get some sleep. I am so lucky to have had as much love in my life as I've had.
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